Step 1: Trip over homeless man pooping in front of your mailbox.

Step 2: Politely refuse to buy drugs from OR for street hooker.

Step 3: Grab envelope at a non-urine stained location.

Step 4: Open bill with a govt approved blade not exceeding 2 inches in length.

Step 5: Dispose of cover envelope in proper govt mandated recycle bin - after trimming away urine-soaked portions with safety scissors, of course.

Step 6: Audibly gasp and wonder if there has been some mistake.

Step 7: Throw the stupid thing away and contact a realtor.

Step 8: Leave these stupid ideas in California.

Bite the pillow. They are going in dry.