OMG, you're getting paid??

It was around 0230 in the morning and I had just left the club, and even though I was freezing my ass off I decided to stop and get a sammich at Subway. As I was walking home and minding my own business, a pack of cishet white Christian males wearing MAGA hats and Space Force teeshirts leapt out of an alleyway, pummeled me into the ground for being a pagan lesbian, and injected me with an RFID chip sort of like you do with a dog. They then screamed at me, "THIS IS MAGA COUNTRY!" and bolted off into the subzero darkness.

Thank god I managed to hold onto my sammich.

Ever since I have felt weirdly compelled to say things like, "I like the Second Amendment" and "maybe we should stop attacking Christians for no reason whatsoever" and "you know, I don't think it's racist to say I don't want to import thousands of people whose religion says 'kill, rape, or imprison lesbians' when I am one." I have lost all my friends, but I have gained a neat red hat for my troubles.